A Positive Parenting Tool
If your child’s go-to response to your requests is typically “no,” then keep reading…
Children who tend to disobey rules, become easily agitated,
experience temper outbursts and argue with authority figures are known to
display a pattern of behaviors called disruptive
behaviors. These behaviors can cause significant family turmoil and become
quite challenging for schools to manage. Children who have trouble regulating
their emotions and behaviors may be pinned as “the bad kids.” This is
unhelpful, because it does not explain what exactly is underlying the
acting out. This type of reputation can also impact a child’s self-esteem,
resulting in feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Disruptive behaviors could
be masking other issues that are not obvious to teachers and parents. Consider
the possibility that the kindergarten student who shuts down and refuses to
engage in class is not oppositional, but instead experiencing anxiety about
being away from his mother or father. Maybe the second grader obtains his
parents’ attention most often at home when she lashes out. In trying to control
disruptive behaviors, children get a lot of attention from adults for what they
are doing wrong, often times unintentionally.
One of the hallmarks in teaching caregivers how
to effectively manage these kinds of behaviors is positive parenting, which
comes from a behavior therapy approach. Among positive parenting techniques is
“catching them when they’re good,” which shifts the focus away from what is
problematic and towards the appropriate behaviors parents want to see continue.
With this technique, parents become more mindful about the behaviors they attend
to, and seek out opportunities to let their child know when he or she is on the
mark. It feels good for both the giver and the receiver, and can bring you
closer to your child!
Positive feedback is a powerful tool at any age.
For children, it comes in many forms – a sticker for helping to set the dinner
table, a praise statement (“I’m so pleased that you are using gentle hands with
your brother”), even a hug! As your child starts to recognize that you are
giving more attention to appropriate behaviors, they will similarly shift from
negative actions (e.g., sassing off, whining, crying, etc.) to positive ones.
Behavioral parent training empowers caregivers
by teaching them specific skills to not only manage their children’s behavior
at home, but also to improve communication, build warmth within the
parent-child relationship and create a calmer household. The Society of
Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology (SCCAP), a group dedicated to
disseminating information about evidence-based therapies for youth mental
health problems, sites behavior therapy (individual parent and groups of
parents with or without child participation) as the most efficacious treatment
for disruptive behaviors in children. The SCCAP website, www.effectivechildtherapy.org,
was recently updated and is a helpful resource for parents seeking information
and guidance about treatment for children and teens.
NESCA is excited to be offering a new group for
parents and children ages 7-10 who exhibit disruptive behaviors and/or ADHD
symptoms. This group will have separate parent and child sections – with
opportunities for combined parent-child sessions – and utilize both behavioral
and cognitive-behavioral techniques. For additional information, visit http://www.nesca-newton.com/events.html.
About the Author:
Dr. Ryan Ruth Conway is a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in Cognitive
Behavioral Therapy (CBT), behavioral interventions, and other evidence-based
treatments for children, adolescents and young adults who struggle with mood
and anxiety disorders as well as behavioral challenges. She also has extensive experience conducting parent training with caregivers of children who present with disruptive behaviors and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. Dr. Conway has been trained in a variety of evidence-based treatments, including Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Exposure with Response Prevention (ERP). Dr. Conway conducts individual and group therapy at NESCA utilizing an individualized approach and tailoring treatments to meet each client’s unique needs and goals. Dr. Conway has a passion for working collaboratively with families and other professionals. She is available for school consultations and provides a collaborative approach for students who engage in school refusal.
"Catching kids when they're good" Thank you for sharing the post. I always regret after punishing my kid have disruptive behaviors. Gonna try this suggestion. Thank you for sharing!
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