Senior Neuropsychologist
Classical and Jazz Socializers
I
work with a number of parents concerned about the quality of their child’s
social life. Lamenting that their child has no true friends, many
parents I see note that that their child doesn’t “hang out” with
peers. However, when asked about how their child does spend
time with peers, many parents report that their child is involved in several
different structured after-school activities, such as a church youth group,
scouting, or a gaming club. In other words, while not getting
together with peers in less structured settings, these students often do,
despite parent misgivings, have satisfying social lives.
I
find it useful to think about socializers as lying in one of two camps: Jazz
and Classical. Jazz socializers are all about
improv. They’ll head downtown with a friend and see where the
afternoon takes them, invite a friend over with no particular plan or agenda,
or wander the mall in a herd. They care little about predictability
and in fact relish spontaneity and surprise. Classical socializers,
by contrast, are most comfortable with structure. They crave
predictability, wanting to know the specific parameters of a social activity,
including the start and end times, the purpose, and the rules of
engagement. Classical socializers, then, tend to do best with
organized social activities.
It’s
important to note that one type of socializing is not better than the other;
it’s about match. I say that as many parents of Classical socializing
children worry that their children will grow up to be friendless and
alone. To those concerns, I observe that there are plenty of
socially-satisfied Classical socializing adults: they have their book club the
first Monday of every month, poker night every other Thursday, weekly chorus
practice, and bar trivia on Wednesdays.
Thus,
rather than trying cram to their Classical socializing child into a Jazz
paradigm – which in fact runs the risk of leading to more social isolation due
to anxiety stemming from the mismatch – I encourage parents to embrace the kind
of socializer that their child is. For parents of Classical
socializers, that means supporting their child’s social satisfaction and growth
through encouragement of their participation in a variety of structured after
school activities (of course without over-scheduling). In addition
to giving their children a chance for a rich and rewarding social life now,
participation in such activities serves as important practice and preparation for
adult life, as in college and as adults in the working world, that is how
Classical socializers will be most socially satisfied.
About the Author:
Dr. Jason McCormick, a senior clinician at NESCA, sees children, adolescents and young adults with a variety of presenting issues, including Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (AD/HD), dyslexia and non-verbal learning disability. He has expertise in Asperger’s Disorder and has volunteered at the Asperger’s Association of New England (AANE). Dr. McCormick mainly sees individuals ranging from age 10 through the college years, and he has a particular interest in the often difficult transition between high school and college. As part of his work with older students, Dr. McCormick is very familiar with the documentation requirements of standardized testing boards. He also holds an advisory and consultative role with a prestigious local university, assisting in the provision of appropriate academic accommodations to their students with learning disabilities and other issues complicating their education.
Hey Jason - I love this post and I'm going to share it on AcMW's Facebook page. I've spoken to parents, particularly parents of boys, quite often about the way some kids connect through language and conversation and other kids connect through mutual participation in activities. During our intervals of free time prior to the start of our sessions, we see kids forging what are obviously great connections without ever really having any conversations together. But you see them totally bonded while they're running around together in the gym.
ReplyDeleteThe jazz/classical distinction works really well too. It's hard for parents to see with lenses other than their own social lens and I think your piece adds a nice level of insight.
Thank you for the advice.
ReplyDeletepictaram